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Laugh with me

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This is a tough one. I have tilted at my windmills for several weeks about this post. What am I supposed to do??? I have a very favorite person who has declared "You can't have your cake and eat it too." You can't decide that you want to have some information out there and then still want to keep some of the details of your life private. I nodded, and agreed with her insight, but at some point my everyday cannot be the 'story'.

Some day soon, like yesterday, I need to be able to go to the Yarn Store, the space I love, filled with you guys, the people I love, and not need to re-live the details of the past six months. I know, we know, you know, sweet guy died. He is gone. But I am still here, and I am putting all of my everything into Knitting Addiction. This is the place I love. This crazy yarn store built on blood and sweat and tears and bruises and pure universe luck. I love it here. This is my now. This is my next. Knitting Addiction is my going forward. You guys have always been part of my 'next'. This is what I am going to do. Sell Yarn, design easy, knitter friendly patterns and take care of you guys, my people.

Yes, it has been a really rough six months. You knew something was wrong, and you helped hold my heart. I needed my people to hold my heart. It has been a really, really, really rough six months, tacked onto a couple years that had some really rough spots too. I love you guys, to the moon and back. I love you for holding my heart when I wasn't sure I could keep it going. Thank you for being here when the very worst of the worst reared its ugly head and made me want to run and hide. Thank you for holding my heart. I needed you. Lots. And I still need you, lots. Maybe now more than ever. But I might need you differently.

I love the days when all y'all come in happy and excited or inspired by new yarn and new projects. I love the days of happy chatter about grandbabies, mis-matched socks and navy blue mittens. I love you guys. Lots. And I know that you love me and Knitting Addiction, lots. It is why I am still here. I plan to be here for many more years. So, I'm making this weird, awkward request. I know you love me, and I love you guys to the moon and back. And, I'm ok. Some days I'm more ok, some days I'm hanging on by a thread, but I'm ok, and I'm going to be ok. Grief is what it is. You can't control it or manage it or anything else. It just is. I need you guys, my people to KNOW that I appreciate you. I need you to KNOW that I know you are holding my heart, and saying prayers for strength and good things. But I need you to let me be in this space we have created and not have to tell the story.

If you come to see me at the shop, or I have the pleasure of seeing you at the Truck, let's start with, 'Gosh, it's a pretty day!' Or 'I have GOT to show you a picture of my grand darling with her knitted woobie.' I know that you guys, y'all, my people, are holding my heart. I know that you know my story.

So, laugh with me, tell me YOUR story, let's pick out a super fun project. Ask me to teach you a new skill. And know, KNOW, that I know you are still holding my heart and saying prayers, and hoping for the best for me and the shop. Give me that hug, smile and laugh with me and know that I know you are thinking about me and still holding my heart. But let's laugh and smile and celebrate friendships that span many years and many miles and many, many miles of yarn. I'm ok. I will be ok, with you guys by my side I will end up being way more than ok. So, let's smile and laugh and share pictures and stories and pick out new projects and laugh and smile. 

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