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Thank you for holding my heart

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Thank you, my friends for understanding and even encouraging my short 'winter break'. It was much needed, and it has brought much good. It wasn't a 'vacation' but time to regroup and refocus and breathe.

In this community we have become, we listen to each other's hurts and we celebrate the joyful events. Grief shared is divided, joy shared is multiplied, many times over. We have shared lots of joyful events and multiplied the happy, and we have held each other's hearts when the world around us shattered.

This fall my world shattered. My sweet guy died in October. The guy who was the peanut butter to my jelly is not with me anymore. And my world shattered.

If you were in the shop this fall and I was physically present, but mentally a million miles away, that is why. My world shattered. I was in the shop. I was physically there, but my heart and my mind were in other places. Minus the sad details, sweet guy was hospitalized in September, and passed away in October.

I knew I would need help taking care of him when he got out of the hospital, so I asked my sister Beth to come help out. She flew down from Wisconsin and was amazing. At the end, my amazing sister and I were able to take care of sweet guy at home for his last days. He was home, and safe, and loved, and cared for, and loved. And with the help of Hospice we were able to honor his wishes to be home at the end of his days.

Many times my sad barged into your day. That wasn't the plan. I didn't want for you to need to help me divide my grief. I put on my very best brave face and I came to the shop. I answered questions and fixed boo boos, and I tried to be my very best self for you. But I wasn't. Lots of days in the past months, I wasn't my very best self for you. I wasn't there to hear all your stories I couldn't help you celebrate your joy or divide your grief, because my sad was so overwhelming. 

It was not my intent to make you cry. I didn't want to make you cry this fall, or yesterday when you came in to shop. I have tried to keep my sad quietly to myself and not have it barge into every moment of my day. I especially tried to keep my sad out of the shop, because I have worked so hard to make the yarn store a happy place, a safe place where you guys get to escape your world. But grief shared is divided, so I thank you for sharing my grief and dividing up the sad. Knowing you guys were here for me has helped me more than I will ever be able to express.

My time out of the shop has been focused on settling into a new house and getting my home on the sound ready to sell. I had to downsize, dog and I don't need 4 bedrooms, so I'm settling into 'Little House'. It is the perfect new 'next' for me and dog. I'm guessing you guys will hear more about it in the future. 

Thank you for holding my heart.  I will be there next time to hold your heart and your hand when needed.


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